top of page

 

I have heard about many, many people who have recently lost their faith, and are wondering how, or if, they should tell their friends and family. Of course each case is going to be different, and you are the best judge of your own situation, but I thought I would put together some general advice and things to think about, before making your decision.

 

​Ideally, friends and family should be accepting of your atheism. However, it is sadly the case that many people will experience poor treatment, or even outright rejection, for announcing it. So it is a big thing to decide who you are going to tell, if anyone, and when.

 

Before you make the decision, you may want to test the waters. You could mention in conversation that you have been chatting to an atheist (it wouldn't be a lie if you have been on an atheist forum) and that they seem quite nice. The reaction you get may give you an idea of how accepting they might be.

 

To decide whether to tell your family, it's a matter of weighing up the benefits of having it out in the open against the difficulties it could cause. If you are still dependent on your parents, and they are likely to take the news badly, this could make things very hard for you until such time as you become independent. So if you think they might treat you less well, you may consider saving the news until you're in a position to look after yourself. But if keeping it a secret from them is having a really bad effect on you, then this may be worth a slight change in their treatment, especially if you think they may become more accepting over time.

 

If you do decide to tell your family, here are some things to consider:

 

  • You are not rejecting them as people, you love them just as much. You are only disagreeing with their beliefs.

  • You are still the same person. Showing that you haven't changed is important, as is being reasonable and calm.

  • Atheism, or lack of belief, is a state of mind. It's not something you have control over. So it's not something you chose in order to cause trouble, it's just how things are.

  • You can make clear the reasons that you have lost your belief. For example, you don't see any evidence for it. Staying logical and reasonable should help keep things from blowing up. A discussion is better than an argument.

  • If they do react badly, it is not your fault, they are the ones making the decision to allow it to be a problem.

  • If the word "atheist" carries a lot of stigma for your family, you could instead talk about religion not being your thing any more. Maybe you don't want to be involved in it, and you'd rather not talk about it. Then you don't have to actually say the words they don't want to hear.

 

If you decide it's best not to tell your family yet:

 

  • If you have friends who you trust to keep it to themselves, and who won't judge you, talk to them about it instead. 

  • You could see if there are any atheist support groups in your area, or start one of your own.

  • Signing up to an online forum is a great way to get support, advice and to be able to talk freely. You can vent all your thoughts and frustrations.

 

 

Dealing with family and friends

bottom of page